What are the most disgusting things that you do now you’re a parent, that you swore you would never do to your own children?
Wash their mouths out with soap for swearing? Embarrass them in front of their friends? Or worse? I remember my own mum doing the lick of the thumb and using her very own saliva to wipe something off my messy face. But whilst it seemed the epitome of disgustingness and annoyance when I was a kid, I’ve actually found myself doing it once or twice in a sticky/toothpastey/breakfasty face situation. Yeah….I know….YUCK!
Have you done any of these disgusting things to your little darlings?
1. Pimple Popping
I’ll admit it – I’m a pimple popper. I find a gross satisfaction in squeezing both blackheads and white pustules to the point where my children know to run away when they see me eyeing off their forehead rather than listening to them speak. It’s a sickness, I need some help. But apparently, I’m not alone.
2. Spit Facial
Would you lick food dregs off your child’s face? Well, I have done it on the odd occasion when a baby wipe or tissue isn’t handy and I have seen other parents do it too. Take a look around the school playground at drop off – chances are you’ll see an abundance of hair being styled and faces being cleaned, all with Mummy spit! It’s not cool though.
3. Booger Digging
OK, so nobody likes a snotty nose on a kid, either dried or wet and slimy, yet they are the hardest little orifices to keep clean and dry (especially in winter). Whilst a quick wipe of the nose with a tissue or wipe is more than sufficient in most cases, nobody seems to bat an eyelid when a Mum whips out an expertly crafted pinkie fingernail (maybe perfectly whittled for this specific purpose?) and shoves it up her child’s nose to retrieve a large, semi-dried clump of snot. Poor kid has their eyes rolling back as Mum is practically tickling grey matter, but anything to get that bloody booger out! And don’t even get me started on the methods used when their are no tissues/wipes/clothing available! Snot-wiped sleeve anyone?
4. Smell Butts In Public
I’m guessing you did this more than once when your child was in nappies. I’m sure if you approached a random stranger, their child or pet and shoved your nose against their backside, you would be considered a little odd, but lift your little person’s tush up to eye level for the sole purpose of taking a huge obvious whiff of any fumes (pleasant or pungent), and you’re just looking out for the well being of your baby’s bum. Weird!
5. Play Guess The Mess
Any brown/pale brown/yellow/slightly green/light black substance found on anything is subjected to the smell test. It could be a sandwich spread or shit, you won’t know until you smell it. And the solution once the mess has been identified? If in doubt, just get a baby wipe or get the kid into the shower or bath….you don’t want to take chances if you have no idea!
6. Food Receptacle
Whether it’s not eaten and flicked at you, half-chewed and spat at you, or fully digested and vomited on you, us parents always seem to be the food catcher. Ask yourself, would you catch someone’s else’s vomit with your own hands, just to stop it hitting the carpet?
7. Bum Changer
Alright, so babies can’t change themselves, but have you ever stopped to think just how disgusting the job of wiping someone else’s bum is? Not to mention the close inspection of the contents of the nappy to eliminate any nutritional deficiencies, foreign object consumption or impending teething episodes. Parents will check poo to make sure their child is ‘functioning properly’, and are (hopefully) the only person who will wipe your butt in your lifetime. Nobody else will risk getting pee in their eye or poo smeared up their arm just to provide a fresh-as-a-daisy derriere.
And Saving The Best For Last……
8. Snot sucking
Yes, you heard me. Some mothers will physically suck the snot out of their child’s nose. Usually babies, and usually (hopefully) when they’ve tried everything else to clear the congestion from a little one’s nasal passages, but yes, some mothers place their mouths over bubs nose and….I cant even finish that sentence! There are commercially available devices to avoid having to suck the snot and mucus into your own mouth, involving a tube and a bulb-thingy, but each to their own.