I need some advice, I am married to a man 10 years older than me I am 63 just and we have been married for 24 years this month, but…………………. I am finding it harder and harder to cope with his behaviour. I am studying pharmacy…negative unsupportive parents when I was young but that’s another story, so he goes to bed at 8.30pm lights out by 9.30 at the latest. He has a secret bank account that he has been diverting business funds into (self-employed) then cracks up at me for not keeping up with the BAS etc. He doesn’t know that I know about the amount in the account. I have my nails done and there was a forensic interrogation as to why, where who was doing them. Today I cooked enough for 10 meals so I don’t have to worry when I get home from work, plus 7.5 doz sausage rolls and no help with the cleanup, no offer to help, he was horizontal most of the day as he does have a bad knee and was resting it. He overreacts to everything. I have lost a lot of weight and need surgery to get rid of excess skin, but that is just vanity! And I also found out at the consult that I have an abdominal hernia that needs to be fixed, but as it's not bothering me why do anything is the attitude. I look after myself; dress nicely am always well-groomed wear makeup, nice earrings etc I have ditched the specs in favour of contacts, exercise and have a very trim figure now apart from the issue above and people have noticed and commented on how good I am looking. He comes home and tells me that so and so is looking a million dollars, she is older 70, shorter, wider, wears no makeup and is completely grey but she put s blue rinse through her hair! I, by the way, do not colour my hair (violently allergic) and have very little grey in my dark brown hair. For my birthday last week a scrawled happy birthday message in the diary next to the phone was the sum total of recognition, we don’t buy presents haven't done for years but flowers would have been nice and its so hard when people ask what did I get or did I get spoiled for my birthday, thank goodness my kids make me feel special! I feel very alone, I live in a small town and have no family here, I have been seeing a psychologist, and also I have spoken to a lawyer I just don’t know If I should go,I certainly can't put up with much more, and at other times I think I am making mountains out of molehills. My psychologist doesn’t think so he says there has been a lot of controlling behaviour and gaslighting which I wasn’t able to see until I stopped the anti depressants Sorry for the essay
Cheating - Husbands best mate's wife How do you just get over it cheating when they justify it as brotherly/sisterly love? So...long story short, my husband and his best mates wife's “friendship” got secretive and after my husband’s behaviour changed, I went investigating and found text messages. Those messages crossed a line for me. Those messages got deleted very quickly and my phone calls to her went unanswered and I was blocked on Facebook. Yes I got one response from her, it was brief and pointing out they are like brother and sister and this is acceptable behaviour to them. Now I am an advocate of male/female friendships but if you have to hide it…IT IS NO LONGER FRIENDSHIP. Am I wrong? Aren’t “I love you xxx” and “I want to be with you” in late night text messages generally reserved for an intimate relationship or is that something friends/brother/sisters do these days? So, how does one just “get over this” when they adamantly justify the secretive behaviour as “like brother and sister”? How can I let them see how this behaviour crossed a line? Everything I have tried isn’t working especially since one of them is now un-contactable.